Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Angels Or Devils?

This is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside

I was in Grade 5 when I stumbled upon books my mom read in those long lost golden afternoons at home. Books written by scientists and academes, later deemed as heretics. Books that at the height of its controversy, inflammed the very pillars of the Vatican.

I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time

That was when I started questioning that little thing called faith, which, at that time, was being force-fed into my young mind by that almighty Catholic institution that was my Alma Mater. The dogma of the Divine Trinity, justifying how 3 entities can be one. The saints, the sacraments, the Bible. High fallutin terminologies that tried to spin a web of intricacies and partial explanations.

The angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

I was the little boy who wanted to untangle them, which of course, got me into a whole lot of trouble so many times. There was this one time when I asked my CL (Christian Living) teacher, why she held on to the dogmas when it had just been the by-product of machinations of an Emperor who wanted to rule the world. A whole system of beliefs that had been decreed in Nicea by a bunch of Church officials under the command of this new king, Constantine. Her answer was a single word: Because. That answer was not good enough for me. And a visit to the Principal's office soon followed.

the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

Is there really a heaven and a hell? That there is eternal salvation and Dante's Inferno waiting for us at the last steps? John Constantine (intentionally named as such in the Hellblazer comic books) said people are inherrently good, but they have a capacity for the devil's works. I believe that its way more than that. We start out with seeds of good and evil in our hearts when we were born. We of course don't know what we've got in the beginning. Its like a parcel that arrives at our front doors- you don't know what's in it until you tear thru the packaging. It manifests itself later on in life, like a tree that had blossomed in the depths of our persona. We have no choice about it. However, what we do have control over, is the the fact that we can cultivate it to reach its full bloom. Anne Rice couldn't have put at more apt name to it. We are destined to walk forever in this savage garden of demented souls.


if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

~Dishwalla


constantine


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