Thursday, December 23, 2004

Why Can't I Just Be Able To Leap Buildings in A Single Bound?

I don't know whether to consider it a mad gift of natural permutation or an unescapable curse but I have these really acute sense of smell and hearing.

The tradeoff is that my eyesight is so poor, I can't even read road signs that are screamingly humongous. Take for example on this intersection I wasn't really familiar with, all the vehicles are on red, so I merrily traipsed to the other side of the road. I knew there was a sign there so I thought it was pretty ok, but when I got near enough, what did it read out?

"Walang tatawid, Nakamamatay" in ridiculous pink and white. So that's why these cars were honking at me.

Going back, I was given these other perceptions so elevated, its almost supernatural. Little everyday superpowers would be the best way to put it.

Superpower # 1: I could smell any food inches away from my nose and tell how many hours 'til its expiration. Like this really nasty Puttanesca that my friend brought over one day. Everyone was all lapping up the goolash like its manna from heaven but I can tell that in 2 hours, its curtains for it. True enough, everyone started having tummy aches.

*Really useful for eating out in restaurants, specially those with the habit of serving, or shall we say RE-serving yesterday (even, yesteryesterday's) meal.

Superweakness #1: With great power comes great headaches. Especially when I can smell like a bloodhound. Imagine people. Now imagine people not gifted with properly functioning sweat glands. Theres this really nasty dude in the office (all respects due to him 'coz he's a supervisor) BUT, eventhough I'm 6 stations away from him and he is blanketed by 3 layers of clothing, I can get a waft of his, uhm shall we say unenticing scent. Really makes my head spin.

*Really a pain in the olfactory nerves and a nightmare when riding public transportation ie, buses, MRT, even taxis who had previous passengers.

Superpower #2: I can hear everything said within a 20 feet radius (sometimes even greater) from where I am. Everyone piles up on top of me to hear the latest scoops. Who's boinking who, who's like this, who' like that.

*Especially useful in the office environment where all the chizmiz is at.

Superweaness #2: Chizmiz. Can't get enough.

And so I walk along these streets with a mild mannered countenance. Little do people know what I am capable of. Bane or boon? I don't know. Just don't go asking me to save a derailed train heading smack for the end of the line. What will I use as rope? The hair in my armpits?

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Hey! I heard that!
I'm not that crazy, you foolish person, you.

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