Friday, December 31, 2004

Drive-by's and Churros con Chocolate

Daydream, delusion, limousine, eyelash / Oh baby with your pretty face / Drop a tear in my wineglass / Look at those big eyes / See what you mean to me / Sweet-cakes and milkshakes / I'm delusion angel / I'm fantasy parade / I want you to know what I think / Don't want you to guess anymore / You have no idea where I came from / We have no idea where we're going / Latched in life / Like branches in a river/ Flowing downstream / Caught in the current / I'll carry you / You'll carry me / That's how it could be / Don't you know me? / Don't you know me by now?


x x x


Celine: You know what I want?
Jesse: What?
Celine: To be kissed.
Jesse: Well I can do that.


x x x


One balmy, early morning December 30, 2004, corner table at Dulcinea looking out to Greenbelt 3.

Advent: "That's what I'm scared of."

Darkwinter: "..."

Paulo: "A, basta. He will ask you eventually and you know he will. What will you do then, say no to him?"

Advent: "It was just a simple kiss. I don't want to complicate things."

Toshi: "And you kissed him back."

Advent: ".."

Toshi: "There you go again, why wouldn't you just admit that you are falling for him?"

Advent: "Because I'm not...I don't want to. We are happy where we are. Mas gugustuhin kong
maging kaibigan ng pangmatagalan, kesa boyfriend na panandalian. Are you gonna finish
that?" *points to beef tapa strip.

Darkwinter: "Take it. *evil grin* You two should have seen him last night. I was there. Well, the first half that is. Nag bu beautiful eyes pa nung
niyakap siya ni -----." *does a Garfield impression

Toshi, Paulo: "Naman! We know. Yan pa." *snickers

Advent: "Oh, shut up. First of all, you're exaggerating my dear. My eyes have always been like that. And next, kayong dalawa, what do you mean na 'Yan pa'? hmp, mga bruha talaga kayo.

x x x


Phil-Am Life bldg, Valero entrance. 3am.

Daniel: "I'd have to go in a few minutes. Matatapos na lunch ko e. Pero, I really appreciate you dropping by tonight. At least we got time to talk, and you got to meet Darkwinter. "

De Guzman: "Ambilis naman."

Daniel: "Finish that taho".

De Guzman: "Ayoko nga. Then it'll mean that I'll have to go."

Daniel: "Ha, ang corny mo. So, let me walk you to your car?" *reaches out hand.

De Guzman: *laughs out* "Mas corny ka. Its what, a few meters. *smiles. Takes hand.

De Guzman: *pauses* "Hop in."

x x x


Toshi: "I know you. And I know when someone likes you. Whats not to like about him ba?"

Advent: "O ayan lumabas din. Everytime someone comes up to me, you expect me to just fall headfirst? You guys of all people know me better. I'm done with that."

Darwinter: "I've said that to myself before."

x x x


Cafe del Mar track 1 playing in the background

De Guzman: "What? You don't know what Leviste St. is? Its just behind your building!"
*snickers

Daniel: "Well, its just...different at night.

*pause

De Guzman: "Let's go to Greenbelt park - the old one."

Daniel: "At this hour?"

De Guzman: "At this hour."

x x x


Paulo: "So he held your hand and then what?"

Advent: "I told him his hands were rough."

Toshi: "Josko."

Advent: "E, sa magaspang ang kamay niya e ano magagawa ko?"

Darkwinter: "I know what happens next." *smiles

x x x

inside a parked car.

De Guzman: "So wanna go for a walk?"

Daniel: "Let's stay in here."

De Guzman: "Ok."

*pause

De Guzman: "I missed you."

Daniel: "Haha. We just saw each other last week. Next please. *smiles* I like this park a lot. It has a very calming effect especially during mor--"

De Guzman: "I'm serious. I really did."

*eyes, meeting

De Guzman: "Derek, can I kiss you?"
.
..
...

Daniel: "Was just waiting for you to ask me."

x x x



Darkwinter: "Kita mo yang nakasulat sa mukha mo? Its a glow you can't hide. I see that everytime you talk about him"

Advent: *stiffling a smile* "Thank you Dr. Belo..."

Toshi: "Ayan ka na naman."

Paulo: "Ah, basta. Things will change with that smackeroo. You can bet on that."

Advent: "Look, I'm not gonna let 2 months go down the drain. It was a rough start but I'm happy where we are now. We have fun. I'm here for him, he's there for me. It will remain that way because I'll make sure of that."

Paulo: "Lets see how this pans out. *evil grin* Meeting adjourned, lets go get coffee sa Starbucks.

Advent: Sure, sounds good. But make it Seattle's? I'll just finish up here. I'll follow.

Advent is left on the table, gazing.
.
..

Darkwinter: "Are you gonna finish that?" She looks at him with eyes that said words that need not be said. She holds his hand, a gesture that said, "Everythings gonna be alright."

Both smiled.

Advent drinks down the viscous and devilishly delish concoction- Chocolate EspaƱol - in a single gulp.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Advent of 2005.
I'm delusion angel / I'm fantasy parade / I want you to know what I think / Don't want you to guess anymore / You have no idea where I came from / We have no idea where we're going / Latched in life / Like branches in a river/ Flowing downstream / Caught in the current / I'll carry you / You'll carry me / That's how it could be / Don't you know me? / Don't you know me by now?
Have a good one everyone!
=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Aishite Imasu, 2004

=++part 2++=

I saw a very familiar face in the crowds as we were streaming out of the moviehouse. A bit disoriented from the blinding lights (and my piss poor eyesight), I almost didn't recognized my friend from way way back (who prefers to be not named in public blogs but for convenience purposes, let's name him T).

I had to say my goodbyes to the folks and catch up with T. He was with this guy who was wearing glasses and was walking with a slight limp - later I found out that he was the professor of my younger sister. Armed with money to buy tickets, popcorn, pizza, buckets of Earth and Sky iced tea- and an open mind- we headed out to conquer the other movie houses.

We saw Mano Po 3, Aishite Imasu and Sigaw (in that order).

In ThailandMano Po 3 for me is definitely a step up from the previous incarnations. (and yes, I equate my devotion to Vilma Santos to my devotion to that little known actress, Nicole Kidman. Kidmanian at Vilmanian po ako. There the truth is out.) The "dynastic" structures that makes character development suffer had been thrown out the window and in effect the main cast were significantly fleshed out this time around. I love the scene where Vilma was accosted by her mother in law, along with 5 other Lotus-Feet-look alikes, and she uttered the infamous "Walang batas na nagbabawal sa pagbibigay ng pagmamahal sa dalawang lalaki." And in Mandarin/Fookien [with matching naglalagablab na mga mata] "Binibigyan ko kayo ng limang minuto para magsilabas dito, at sa pagdating ng limang minuto at nandito pa kayo, YOU'LL SEE THE WORST IN ME."

back at you.Sigaw is another surprising step up from the mire that is the Horror genre in the industry. Where before the scare factor was dependent on how many gremlin permutations you can fit in a single shot, this time its more in the character interactions. This movie did not even rely on any special effects, other than voice distortion, the superb acting and a few camera tricks. Overall, a fine piece of work.

Aishite Imasu, 1941. There is a reason why I saved this for last. And the reason is, this was the best Filipino movie I've seen for quite a while. Its like a cat stalking in the shadows. You know a cat is there but you don't know how sharp its claws are; Thats the best metaphor I can come up with this movie. I watched this purely on a whim and I was pleasantly surprised at what I got out of it. It's a period film but everything is done with such level of polish that you'd stop and think if this came from the same industry that produced all those asinine flicks. A stellar cast, matched with stellar performances. Under the Nihonggi SunThis even made me symphatize with the Japanese. It made me ask, what if we sided with them in their Imperial War? That the only reason why they did those cruel things is that there are uprisings against them. That the Americans do not really care about us, just the money they make of the land, why should we side with them? That the Japanese are human too, and not just some costumed monkeys who go around bayonetting people. And most importantly of all, it gave me the sense that People Like Me have been around since the dawn of time. They are there, just lurking in the quagmires of untold history. Some were unsung heroes that had contributed to the creation of the reality that we have right now. Its not just a question of identity but of worth.

Must sees. Go.

Now.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Intermission

O.

M.

G.


I had just gone past the 1th mark on the counter.

Me


Happy.


Thanks everyone! Keep 'em coming.

---Intermission end

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Aishite Imasu, 2004

++=part 1=++


After the postcard perfect Noche Buena, I vowed to spend Christmas day this time with my ever loving friendships. I hooked up with Highschool (in Chuayjai's words, Becky) peeps and at the same time, found new ones.

Bah. humbug!The day started out really slow. I had to accompany my famille in our yearly escapo sessions. Mom and Dad came up with this ingenious ploy to get away from home every Dec.25 to avoid them pesky inaanaks and their excess baggages. Its not really Scrooge mentality, but since they already have so many inaanaks that they can't even remember who they are anymore, what they are trying to avoid are those eager beavers who aren't even related to us by anything. I'd like to call them opportunistas but that would be too harsh. I mean, come on! Imagine this random child who'll come up our steps and greedily pan out his grimy hands like its my mom and dad's obligation to give him something. It turns out this little imp is a friend of a friend of a friend of the original inaaanak and he tagged along for the loot. Whatever you say, but to me, that's a world of irritation. Bah, humbug!

Anyway, for this year I want it really different, iniba ko ang gimik. We're done with the predictable dinner dates, or out of town ventures, partying and what nots. This year, with my famille and Becky friends, sinuportahan namin ang pelikulang Filipino.

Guess, who's not invited?As early as 8am, we headed out of the house. My dad, just barely dodging one little imp. I tried to use all my powers of persuasion to veer them towards Robinson's Place in Manila (because that's where me and the Becky's will meet up later in the afternoon). Maybe it was the sweltering heatwave that got to my dad's head (or the little imp that got away with some of the contents of his wallet), but suddenly there he goes again, erupting out of the blue, saying that the only reason why I wanted to go there was that I'm a selfish prick and that I had ulterior motives (which I had, but he made me sound really bad which, of course, I wasn't). We had a heated argument resulting in him almost asking me to step out of the car. My mom butted in, my sisters did too. My dad taking it out on my sister, my sister arguing back...And then all was quiet. Like nothing ever happened. Its a typical Daniel (yup, thats my last name) outing. Us, in "normal" mode.

We got to the mall a little bit too early, which prompted me to once again to use my divine powers of persuasion because my mom suggested that we head out for Mega Mall instead. Being pinned to the wall, my synapses fired off and I told them 'for old times sake, (gulps), lets visit Luneta'. Ah, Luneta. When I was a child and my parent's income was barely enough to get by, this used to be my playground.

Due to my dad missing out a turn at T.M. Kalaw, instead of the playground of yore, we stumbled upon this new place called the Boardwalk. (which, just to clarify, is different from the Baywalk, and is- ironically- made of cement and metal instead of, well, wooden boards!). Its this strip of land converted into a park, an extension probably. And there are these restos all around like (correct me if I'm wrong) Seaside Wharf, Palatagan, whatz-it-Japanese-name and the other establishments.

Theres tons of people here. Just stretching out on the open field, having a picnic, playing, having the time of their lives. Simple people, simple fun. I hated the fact that I became a bit of an airhead the moment this struck me. I felt I was out of place, that I was better than everybody else. I hate me during these fits.

My dad was still in his grumpy mood but he agreed to pose for a famille photo op. (Come on, its the bay and there are lotsa pretty stuff going on!) The tides changed when, out of the blue, like an oasis in the middle of a vast dessert, there it was. A tent. With sound systems blaring out.

An open air Karaoke.

Frankie, eat your heart out.Like a child who just saw toys in the window of a department store, my dad's face lighted up. He was born with a silver microphone lodged in his mouth. Its where I got the genes. But, as much as I love singing, I do not have his exhibitionist tendencies. Well, not yet. We decided to walk around while we waited for him to hit those notes.

Music calms the savage beasts, as they say. Dad was all brimming with joy after his showing off. This was of course all good for us. We have at least 5 hours till the effect wears off. He was literally, skipping merrily back to the van to drive us back to the mall.

We saw So Happy Together. Don't want to act all pretentious here and discuss the technical aspects of the film or how socially relevant it is. I just tell how I saw it. How it made me feel. How it affected my rudimentary sensibilities.

It's something you don't see in the usual fanfare of Filipino movies. It has a lot of cringe moments like everytime Kris Aquino goes into her squeeling rampage which makes my ears bleed. Or those completely unnecessary scenes involving the younger cast where I almost puked on the floor because of the brain dead sub-plots.

LookHowever, casting those aside, the movie also has its fair share of shining moments. Eric Quizon is truly in his element (if you know what I mean), and the story tries to span almost a lifetime of this indomitable friendship between the two lead actors, which, with all due respects, is a grand attempt . It shows snippets of a truly colorful life and the hilarious moments that are strewn along the way. And seeing and laughing with the movie with your famille on a balmy Christmas morning is an experience unto itself. Maybe I'll do this again next year.

---

A few moments later after the movie, I had to say goodbye to the folks. I just saw my friend among the throng of people. On, to the next half of the day!

-end of part 1

Monday, December 27, 2004

Home On The Range

Fresh like the morning dew. I came from an immaculate 3 day leave for the the Christmas holiday. Everyone in the office kept on pressing me with such mundane questions as to why am I passing up free food provided by our mother company, double pay, a hefty bonus just for coming in for the night...hay, I told them to just give it up. Money is money. Just that. My answer is plain and simple:

I'm doing Christmas with the folks.

This had been and forever will be my resolve. Eventhough this year's Noche Buena had been a bit drab and dreary because of the gloomy atmosphere both in and out of the household, there is always that fleeting moment of jubilation. Watching Lolo carry the soupbowl because he still can, despite the short time he has remaining in this reality. Tita having a look of near consternation because she planned and prepared almost everything to be perfect for this night, despite the fact that she flew 8,000 miles just to spend Christmas with us. Mom lovingly passing the plate of hickory smoked ham to my Dad because they are still together, despite the odds. My sister happily sipping wine from her glass because had already reached legal age, despite all the drama she is facing in her young life. Seeing the maids serve the morcon, the quezo de bola, the rest of the fanfare with such devotion because they genuinely do care for us, despite the fact that they have their own families out there. And me, seeing this coven and realizing that I'm one lucky bastard, despite all the things I felt that are missing in my life.

Money or this?
Need I even answer?

Friday, December 24, 2004

Allow Me Once Again To Walk The Moon's Road

robert brook's dreamscape


Every now and then I fall into a trance like state. When words spill forth from the fount that is my occipital lobe, bordering in a lethargic consciousness and lucid dreaming.

Its at this point when I walk the Moon's Road and enter the realm of Morpheus, the Dreaming. Along its streets where edifices form in the blink of an eye, and dissipate like bubbles in champagne when you stare at it too long. I walk in an induced state of truncated will, yet in this realm I am most in tune with my faculties.

I stumbled upon one of the ruins in my dream. And old house where my heart used to reside. What once was whitewashed walls are now chipping greasy paint. The door moaned as I tried to budge it open. Not worth it. I saw the house deform, like a worm in time and space it fell into itself. What was left was a smoking locket. You could hear a faint murmur of laughter emanting from its interior. In its folded clasps, a daguerreotype of a soul I used to know. The lines of the face is familiar, but a shadow now permeates its totality like its a new person altogether. It is what it isn't.

A voice then rang out, soothing my senses. I turned my head the other way and I saw a figure of a boy rise out from the gloom. A gentle and enticing face, like a hardened cherub escaped from the vaults of Michealangelo. He beckoned once more. A hand reached out. In it another locket. "Come." And a soft light enveloped me. Light that came from his core. In the midst of this desolate landscape of biting cold, I felt surging warmth.

"This is the last time, I'll be looking at you. I've tried to paint the walls a different shade of white at one time but you never seem to notice. I was trying to live once again in this edifice for a short while but the feeling of home grew dimmer and dimmer by the day. Now the steps on the Stairs of Remembrance rotted and ultimately fell away. It now forbids me to go down and have a glimpse of time past. Farethee well."

I cast it to the hungry wind, the wind whose been here since time immemorial. It had gorged on to many cast away lockets, its starting to have a solidified shape of its own.

I held the glistening object close to my heart.

An effervescent smile..

formed on these lips.

------------------------------------------

subtitle: The Dreaming Before Christmas.

==++Happy Holidays Everyone!++==

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Why Can't I Just Be Able To Leap Buildings in A Single Bound?

I don't know whether to consider it a mad gift of natural permutation or an unescapable curse but I have these really acute sense of smell and hearing.

The tradeoff is that my eyesight is so poor, I can't even read road signs that are screamingly humongous. Take for example on this intersection I wasn't really familiar with, all the vehicles are on red, so I merrily traipsed to the other side of the road. I knew there was a sign there so I thought it was pretty ok, but when I got near enough, what did it read out?

"Walang tatawid, Nakamamatay" in ridiculous pink and white. So that's why these cars were honking at me.

Going back, I was given these other perceptions so elevated, its almost supernatural. Little everyday superpowers would be the best way to put it.

Superpower # 1: I could smell any food inches away from my nose and tell how many hours 'til its expiration. Like this really nasty Puttanesca that my friend brought over one day. Everyone was all lapping up the goolash like its manna from heaven but I can tell that in 2 hours, its curtains for it. True enough, everyone started having tummy aches.

*Really useful for eating out in restaurants, specially those with the habit of serving, or shall we say RE-serving yesterday (even, yesteryesterday's) meal.

Superweakness #1: With great power comes great headaches. Especially when I can smell like a bloodhound. Imagine people. Now imagine people not gifted with properly functioning sweat glands. Theres this really nasty dude in the office (all respects due to him 'coz he's a supervisor) BUT, eventhough I'm 6 stations away from him and he is blanketed by 3 layers of clothing, I can get a waft of his, uhm shall we say unenticing scent. Really makes my head spin.

*Really a pain in the olfactory nerves and a nightmare when riding public transportation ie, buses, MRT, even taxis who had previous passengers.

Superpower #2: I can hear everything said within a 20 feet radius (sometimes even greater) from where I am. Everyone piles up on top of me to hear the latest scoops. Who's boinking who, who's like this, who' like that.

*Especially useful in the office environment where all the chizmiz is at.

Superweaness #2: Chizmiz. Can't get enough.

And so I walk along these streets with a mild mannered countenance. Little do people know what I am capable of. Bane or boon? I don't know. Just don't go asking me to save a derailed train heading smack for the end of the line. What will I use as rope? The hair in my armpits?

.
..
...

Hey! I heard that!
I'm not that crazy, you foolish person, you.

Morpheus, I am Your Kitsune

kitsune
Though they rarely caused mankind any serious harm,
these Japanese fox spirits known as kitsune
were well known for playing tricks on people
and could be a real nuisance. They possessed
the ability to transform into any creature,
though they would often retain their fox tail.
One could easily determine the age and level of
maturity of a kitsune by counting it's tails;
An immature, rambunctious kitsune would have
very few tails, while a wise and powerful one
would have as many as nine.

As a kitsune, you are clever, sensual, beautiful,
mysterious and effeminate (even if you are a
guy). You are also somewhat sneaky and like to
pull pranks on people, but otherwise you are
very pleasurable to be around.



Who is your inner Shapeshifter?
brought to you by Quizilla



-eerily accurate.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Prostituee P'appareil-photo #2

The Night that was.

I didn't expect that this event would turn out as seamlessly fun as it did. Aside from the fact that the venue is humongous, there would have to be the issue of people actually attending. Surprised I was, when I arrived at the hotel. Ballrooms A, B and C are packed to the rafters.

I'd like to give a shout out to my "date" for the night. Qoutation marks in place because of the fact that she is, well, a she. But damn ravishing with that towering frame and headturning beauty. Darkwinter, cheers to you. You are truly my muse.

Its been 5 years since I stepped in this marvelous venue. Junior prom. Back then, imagine a ballroom filled with boys. Boys dating boys. Disturbingly cute. What I liked about this night is the utter candidness of the event. We were given the freedom to act as we would elsewhere. I shudder everytime I remember back then when they made us take up etiquette classes just to look "proper" for the venue.

The food was absolutely delish. They had Mediterranean, American, Thai, and Filipino dishes served. Although, some could just had been dropped and it wouldn't matter much. Sashimi? Hello?

The bands were surprisingly good this year. I'm just not into the local band scene, hence I forgot who they were. They could, however, rouse the crowd into near feverish state.

I was able to hook up with old friends now strewn across different accounts. It was a delight catching up and reliving the good times. And let me just say this, company parties are the perfect venues for prospect hunting. There had never been a higher saturation of beautiful boys in single venue. Boys of my kind of course. I could sniff them out a mile away. Let's just say I have a 98.20% statistical accuracy in gaydar mode. Although giving out your number to random strangers who ask for it is so 2003, its a major ego booster, so what the heck?

They gave out these really cool prizes like iPods and Pocket PCs and DVD players and whatnots, but guess what I got? A lousy Starbucks "Create your own!" Tumbler and giftbag. Whoopeedoo. Well at least I got something. Heres me feigning elation:

tilt ya head back


Time passed by like rapid water. Everyone was mingling, drinking, dancing. I was hopping from table to table. Fellow blogger 1980 was there, Paulo the fifth F4, with his wacky hair and his even wackier posse, prodigal daugther Gwen, I saw my previous supervisor Sir Anton, my promoted girl Merry, uber Hotbabe Gill (who's that cute guy with you?), that other guy from Earthlink whom I'd had an undeterminable infatuation with since the moment I stepped in this company, Crispy and Dianne from Expedia. the Crazy NSI peepz..the list is goes on and on.

These people just wouldn't let up. The party started at around 6:30pm and ended sometime around 1 am but everyone still wanted to go out. An after party-party. We all wanted to down huge amounts of booze, however Gilligan's is already closed for the night. Next best thing was WhistleStop in Jupiter. Good ambiance due to the roomy interiors and the soft lighting, fairly prized booze, and food -what else could we look for? That was until they turned on the Karaoke!

I've always believed that I was born with a silver microphone lodged in my mouth. Singing had always been my stress reliever, my escape from the mundane tasks of the world. Eventually, my name will be up there in lights. HA! How's that for wishful dreaming?
Bakit Ngayon Ka lang?
Embarrasing photo numero uno


And so the night ended on just a few hours away from daylight. But it was a great night full of surprises. Now that this is one event striken off the list of things to look forward too, I wonder whats next?

Oh yeah. He's coming over on Christmas Day.
tired but definitely not out.

Let the CamWhoring Commence!

I tried to fight it off..
I really tried...
But...
(turning into a lean, green, camwhoring machine)
Me post pics.


People Support Christmas Party 2004 - Shangri-La, Makati. Rizal Ballroom.

A rose for moi?
People piling over me.

people getting high, must be the booze
crazy NSI

aaaah.
Darkwinter getting a faceful of Advent

hmm..
A stolen shot of that cute HR guy. (if you happen to read this, yes, I do find you cute. Don't worry, I don't bite..that hard.)

the look of..
Sharon, is that you? (sorry, Ms. Joan. hehe. I love the ensemble)

Whatever that sign is, I'm not doing it.
My muse, my fellow camwhore

Someday, when I'm awfully 'lone...
Allow us to be Frank.


Images c/o our official office paparazzi, Jet.
http://ppphoto.atspace.com/party/

Its in my veins..
it doesnt end here.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

God Just Gave Me...

A gift thats not in a box.
This gift, came in the most attractive packaging as of yet.
A bit small, well compared to the gifts I've had before, but its not only gorgeous outside, its elaborate on the inside.
Everything I desired...and more.

+++

I got the surprise of my (love) life last night when I got a call.
It was him.
And he's coming to my house on Christmas day to spend it with me.
I almost burst.

+++

Santa, I know I've been a very good boy this year.
I might not be anymore the next. *evil grin*

Thursday, December 16, 2004

One Happy Camper

After a gruelling work week, one thing keeping me sane would be THIS:


PEOPLESUPPORT
Christmas Party 2004



Food, Friends, Booze.

See you there people.

Drudgery Out The Window

When do you start appreciating the toil and feel that you are not working?

Nope, its not when you love your job.

Its when you love the people around you.

They make it all worthwhile.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

The Staying Game

Models.

The type of species I'd never thought I'd be in close proximity to, let alone be friends with. Such beauty, such unadulterated gaiety, such panache and confidence.

Hay.


Bring It Down

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down
~Nix



Ironically, this makes me beam with happiness.

I was walking down the moon's road late last night when I came across this black raven who introduced himself as Matthew.

"I've come to give you this." words escaped the yellow beak.

I opened up my palms towards his black claws as he released something round that gleamed with a soft light - it pierced the surrounding darkness.

It's warm to the touch-

I knew was I was holding something grandiose, like holding a whole ocean in the palm of your hands, it was trembling yet not one drop was escaping. Beads of water formed patterns like a mosaic. I could hear the water break on the skerries. I'd really wanted to take a glimpse.

But then I woke up.

Mouth Wash

What washes away the salty aftertaste of a failed relationship?

Seeing your ex fumble.

Lamely.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Bonfire of The Vain

Saturday was a cacophony of emotions. Was dead tired coming from Padre Mio's frivolous seminar. Frustrated at the beginning of the bonfire. Elated upon the introduction of new characters to add to the tapestry. And by the time the night is through, purged from all emotional excrements.

King Murphy looks upon me with solemn eyes that bear stars.

It begins.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Now Lose It

Whoa, I'm getting brain freeze from my last entry. Back to reality. For now.

Its getting a bit crazy now. At the office I was asked to be part of the "creative team" and help set up the decors for Christmas. "By default" they said. My eyes rolled up to the ceiling. All accounts are included in this decorating frenzy and P10,000.00 is up for grabs. At first I said "What the heck?" I could use additional shopping fodder. Later, my jaw almost fell when they said, that we are supposed to decorate the WHOLE floor. And so, I'm in Tom Felicia mode.

Busy for a couple of days. I will miss you blog. Although I'll try to squeeze in an entry or two.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

180 Degrees, Splook Me Up

Lets stop and pause awhile.[sic]

Tama na muna ang pag susulat ng mga talinhaga sa lenguaheng hindi naman atin. Hay, nakakapanibago pero sige, subukan na rin. Ayoko lang kasing magsulat ng Taglish, ang pangit naman. At lalo naman magsulat ng diretsong tagalog. Hay. Edi magsalita na lang ng lenguaheng malapit sa puso.

Gay Splook.

Ok, kakaloka the past few days. As in ang daming mega emotera sa office at sa bahay at sa life in general. Take for example emotera number 1. My long lost friendship who got up the admin ladder. Ayoko syang i-name e, kasi in fairness, close kami (I hope) pero, datapwat, subalit, kumbaga, Itago na lang natin siya sa pangalang Masaya. Base sa aking narinig mula sa aking mga alipores sa office, siya daw ay nagbago to the max. Case in point, si Paulo (ang Becky na pang-limang member ng F4..) -na aking schoolmate from Don Bosco Makati (yes, ladies and gentlemen, we produce REAL men.) na naging ka-close ko recently dahil same floor ang mga account namin- ay na inissue-han niya ng warning dahil si Paulo daw (in english, allegedly!) ay nag mamagic fingers.

Ok para sa mga hindi call center people sa mundong ibabaw, ang magic fingers ay kilala sa marami pang katawagan, pero ang ibig sabihin nito ay nagsisipindot ka ng kung ano anong button sa callmaster para hindi ka mapasukan ng calls. Hence the magic. Voila!

So ayun nga, ang lola mo ay inissue-han ng warning out of the blue, without even proper investigation (like, hearing his side, duh!). As in nagulat din ako kasi ito ay isa sa pinaka common na gawain ng mga agents sa floor and it shouldn't be that big of an issue, heller!

So ganun, ang eksenang ito ay shempre nag-breed ng isa pang emotera, which is of course, Paulo himself. Heller? Sino ba naman hindi mag eemote sa pangyayaring ito? Ang dami pa naman nyang ambisyon (pero hindi sya ambishosa ha) na ma-promote, at paano na yan dahil malamang hindi qualified ang mga may written warning? So mega warla mode ang lola nyo. As in nag threaten sya mag-resign chorva. Shempre dun sa account lang nya no. Hindi naman siya gaga para mag mega resign from the company completely. Papalipat siya ng account. Sana sa amin.

Eto naman pasok sa ekseners. Ang isa kong friendship si Martin, lately hindi nagpaparamdam. Busy busyhan daw ang beauty niya sa trabaho at isa pa umuwi ang mga pinsan nya from the US of A kaya ang drama niya sa bahay ay pamihnta to the max (yung tipong nakakabahing na) kasi nga hindi daw tanggap ng kanyang clan (na prominente sa society eklavu) na isa siyang fairy. So nag mistulang masquerade ball na naman ang bahay ng bruha. Hay, bahala siya sa life niya!

When I got home sa aking mumunting palasyo in Paranaque, andun naman ang isang mega emotera kong Sister who is making dramatizations kasi nga ayaw siyang payagan makipagdate ng aking mother dearest. And have I mentioned, na ang Mama ay isa ring emotera? Pano ba naman, nabisto niya ang aking Pudang (Father, for you non-gaysplookers) ay kumakarir ng isang other mujer. Ayan, napahamak pa ang aming Christmas bonus! Kaya eto, warla naman ang aking mudang (again, mother) kay Father na nag turn out din na isang emotero. Shempre, kampihan portion naman ang nangyari, ang aking Lola ay nag emote na kampi sha kay Pudang, at ang aking Tita naman (who just got home from Canada) ay kampi kay Mudangerz. Emote niya kasi, she can relate. HAYY!!!

Sa sobrang daming emotera sa mundo kong makulay, no wonder yours truly ay nahawa na rin. Pinipilit kong hindi pero oo, oo, OO! Pero take note ang emote ko ay ang different kind of emote. Para akong high lately. Oy, hindi drugs ha! Basta, HIGH lang. Ewan ko ba! Siguro kasi wala na akong hinahanap pa in life. Siguro kasi andyan na ang Christmas bonus ko. Siguro rin kasi, higit sa lahat, sa taon na ito, ang dami kong trials and tribulations na na-survive. Overall ang dami kong natutunan about me as a person, my life, how love works and how it doesn't, how to mingle with different crowds of people, how to make pakikisama sa mga taong hindi mo naman feel..Everything! (except na lang siguro how to play and appreciate basketball! Ha! yan forever ang di ko kayang atimin.) Hay, and it was very ironic pa na an old friendship happened to stumble upon this blog and texted me right away: "Reading thru, I felt sad for you." Ano daw?

Kakaloka no? Pero Cassy, don't worry, I'm ok. I've been worn, thrown in the hamper, washed, wrung, took a ride in the Spin Cycle, left hanging out to dry, and Voila! Here I am a fresh new person!


disclaimer: This piece of writing may or may not reflect how I speak in real life. Creative juices lang which had to come out in writing lang po. That and an inspiration from my favorite gay writers: BROWN_COW and CHUAYJAI

Ruminating Remuneration

I just got my Christmas bonus today.
...
..
.
.
.
.
I'm scared.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

What Is It To Me?

[info]advent is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator



I know. Its a stupid test. But its got me thinking because its that time of year again. Lonely but never alone.

Sigh.


Monday, December 06, 2004

One Heck of an Expensive Night

disclaimer: Visa commercial: eat your heart out!

One chilly, post typhoon December 4 night a boy and his pal set out, off to watch a concert.

The Attire
Red button down polo from Camiseria: P700
White Hanes sando: P150
Killer white R Devil, sports jacket: P2,000
Buffalo black pants: P2,150
K. Cole shoes (which I'm never wearing again 'coz it hurts like hell): P-*bleep due to the obscene price tag*-

The Self
Pre-concert post-birthday (figure it out) bash: P3,000
A relaxing visit to the Spa: P700
A visit to my friend who works at a salon in Rockwell - I won't emphasize the name ;) - for touch up and hair: *nada* - he did it for free. ~insert video clip of me thanking Mon for the hair and makeup

Araneta Center
Gas-ing up my friend's car: P200
Pigging out in Taco Bell: yummy taco, burrito, bottomless drinks: P234.76 (lousy tax)
Asking why they are using Pizza Hut ketchup packets: a whole bucket o' laughs
Checking out all the posh stores in The Gateway (its the Podium of Quezon City): a whole lot of hurtin feet.

Inside
Checking out all the cute guys: an onset of stiff neck
Cute guys checking me out: 1Bajillion pesos and some pocket change

The Show
Watching my most respected artist perform a few meters in front of me: A whole ocean of gratification.
Seeing her dance: Drowning.
Hearing her hit them notes: Nirvana.
Viewing her life tableau from a fledgling wannabe who doesn't have a penny to her name, to conquering her dreams and getting where she is right now : Newfound respect.

The After
Reigne Coffee table book: (not really my expenditure as my friend bought it for me as my b-day gift): P950
Heading out to Temple to dance the restlessness away: P300 (just the price of a few drinks)
Bumping into my male model crush: wetness. ;)
~0~
Lounging in Seattle's Best Coffee for a nightcap, sipping a custom Mango X-Tea ( added flavor, less ice), poring over the coffee table book, chatting and reminiscing the highlights of one drawn-out yet very exciting night: PRICELESS

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Cover Me

Today is a red-letter day.


'nuff said.


Friday, December 03, 2004

Had To Get This Off My Chest part 2 of 2

Disclaimer: To the person/s involved, if you happen to come across what I've written here, no apologies. I'm just basing it on how I'd experienced it. What prompted me to write this down? I'm the lord of this domain, and I do what I want to. I'd like to look back sometime in the future and remember this. For anonimity's sake, the names are substitutes for the protagonists/antagonists. Let's get the ball once more.

Foreboding. The last glimpse I'd had of the King of Crosses. We hurried down to this cozy spot in SBC downstairs. The Ides of March have to go attend to her Temple duties. So I was left with the god Dionysius and Lady Ophelia to drink to sobriety.

The lady got a call a few minutes into the conversation. It was Abelard, spewing forth molten lava. Apparently I found a way to irk the un-irkable.

"The moment I get down from here, I don't want to see him, otherwise I won't be able to control myself! You know what's gonna happen, Ophelia." The him referred to was me.

"You know, I have formed a bond of friendship with you, and you know I love you for that. But I advise thee..Please leave for your safety's sake." pleaded Ophelia.

"You know that I love you back with the same intensity. But this is nothing. Let him come. I won't leave this spot where I stand. Not for him, not for his threat." Eventhough inside it struck a minor chord of fear, I resolved to stand my ground.

Another friend arrived, Galadriel, clad in a raiment of the sun. As much as we weren't really familiar with each other, she had a gentle countenance and she held the hand of Ophelia, who summoned her to this place for consolation. It somehow felt like waiting in line for the guillotine.

The lumbering beast arrived several minutes later than the aforementioned time. In his eyes, you could almost see a hint of murderous rage.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Who are you to tell me what I do? Do you even know what's happening?" with blistering acid spewing forth from his agape jowl. He had transformed into a demi-beast. He charged at me, pointed his claws and sharpened his teeth. And at the risk of being ripped apart, I raised my lancet way up high and I aimed for his indomitable heart.

"Why do always think that the everyone is against you? Have you even paused, and tried to cut the drama, breath for a while and think that the world doesn't revolve around you? Do you even know WHY I care? Maybe because there is this ludicrously minute chance that you will be the best person there is for Ophelia. And that maybe, maybe, I can foresee that?! God what a buffoon you can be?"

Geysers shot out from the enclaves of his cavities, and I suddenly saw a movement in his armor, an arm flinging out, gathering force and I wasn't quick enough to dodge it. It landed squarely at the middle of my chest cavity almost knocking the wind out of me.

The dumbstruck counsel couldn't but lift a finger to stop this hysterical outrage. And I knew what I had to do. I had to do it on my own.

"If you want to hear what you want to hear, fine. Listen to them till your ears bleed, but whatever I did, I did because it was the right thing to do, that the woman you're courting deserve that much from you. People may have clammed up to you before, but not me. Hit me again if that's what you prefer."

For a flash of a second, I could almost swear that his eyes became human again and looked vulnerable. Alas that was but a effervescent. Montrosity overcame him once more.

His eyes still smoldering he screamed beneath seething breath, "This is not over. Ophelia, let's go." And that was it. Ophelia chose to go into the arms of this demon. He whisked her away and that's what really rended my heart.

I took solace in the comforting words of Galadriel. It was only then that the pain set in. Tears were falling but I was smiling. The pain was inconsequential. Its fleeting. A single bold gesture permeats eternity.




Thursday, December 02, 2004

Had To Get This Off My Chest part 1 of 2

Disclaimer:
To the person/s involved, if you happen to come across what I've written here, no apologies. I'm just basing it on how I'd experienced it. What prompted me to write this down? I'm the lord of this domain, and I do what I want to. I'd like to look back sometime in the future and remember this. For anonimity's sake, the names are substitutes for the protagonists/antagonists. Let's get the ball rolling.

Some good number of days ago, I got myself caught up in a commotion. A commotion that ended in me getting hurt both physically and emotionally. A confrontation that was totally uncalled for. It started out as a simple happy hour for old bonds and newfound friends. I went out with 3 people: Dionysius, Ides of March, and a central character, Ophelia.

It was ironic, but when we went out with the god of wine, it turned out that he isn't a drinker in the core sense. He revels in the conflagration but only take in an ember or two. Ides, on the other hand, preferred to stick to her tea drinks. She still had to attend to her Temple duties later that day. It turned out, it was a drinking session between me and Ophelia. I have come to have a profound sense of elation during these bouts. The headiness it causes clears my mind somehow of all those woes. It leaves a unique feeling of being reborn.

Shift focus to another table. Picture, ignoble Abelard. The current consort of lady Ophelia, drinking to his hearts content. Surrounding him would be his harem of females and a single male: Garwain, vanguard of consistency. Apparently, their table was overflowing with the sweet concoction and perhaps he had had a bit too much to drink.

"Look over yonder and glimpse at what your sire is doing" I mentioned to the lady in front of me. "It seems that they are becoming overly familiar with each other, think ye not?"

"I care not what he does, he is entitled to his own whims and folly." Said the lady in return. Ophelia, no matter how she says it, has this faint glimmer in her eyes that tell otherwise.

Here I go again. I played the knight, and heaved my jousting helmet and lance. I did try to distract myself in the merriment we had in our little party, but I can't help but notice how indecorous the ignoble Abelard is acting just across our table.

We were prepared to call it a day, and we headed out to our last pitstop after a few rounds. Before I went in the washroom, Lady Ophelia mentioned:

"Ye look like you have perhaps drank a bit too much of your own share. Come, I shall treat thee to a warm cup of coffee downstairs. Object not, you need it."

I really didn't. I was still in full control of my faculties at that point in time. If anything that I didn't have at the time, it was restraint in saying what I truly think. (shouldn't everyone be drunk then? along it comes a very refreshing amount of honesty.) I had no other choice but to take her offer. She went in their washroom, I went in ours.

I finished, expectedly, few minutes before they emerged. I stood in the hallway while I waited. It was in this brief window of time that he happened to pass by. The lord of scum, with a wench in his arms. All that was lacking was for him to fondle her publicly and you never even think that he is courting the Lady Ophelia.

"Careful". The first word that had been uttered from these lips.

"Ophelia is just here. Think. Respect." He at first didn't mind this. He however double backed and asked me what I said. I said it again, enunciating each syllable, in case he has lost his sense of hearing.

And he walked away, not before I glimpsed his eyes flashed with the flames from Hades. Like Cerberus, the vicious spawn, I knew I am to face something ugly.


-end of part 1

Sometimes We All Fall Down

I just had to congratulate myself for not going down with any sickness this year. I was proud of my body being able to fend off a slew of afflictions even after being in close proximity to infected people. 29 days until the year is out and here it comes, I spoke too soon. Now I'm down with this debilitating and highly irritating cough and cold.

Upon introspection, or shall I say, self-diagnosis, my immune system, which held out against the worst of diseases for the rest of the year, gave out because of one thing. I drank too much at this one party 3 days ago. San Mig Strong Ice that can can make Jack And Jill go up the hill. I didnt't get that intoxicated, because of the fact that I still knew what I was doing and what I was saying, but it was then that I felt truly sick. So what is this, a black propaganda against San Mig Strong Ice? Not really, just a warning to everyone. Don't drink it when you're fresh from a hard days work.

It sad though, because this is my favorite beer. I really abhor the other iterations, especially San Mig Light. Its too...uhm, faux beer for me. Plus the taste is really bleh.

But then again I got myself in a semi-brawl resulting in me getting hit real hard...(will post about it at a later time, probably)

Excuse me.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Sing It For Me, Michael

Yesterday, I woke up just when the last glimmers of the sun was waning in the horizon. I felt a little bit too restless to continue my slumber (it was still way too early for me to get up) yet I stirred.

Tonight, going to work would be the last thing on my mind.

2 hours before my shift, I arrived at the office. I talked with my supervisor, and he said "OK." without much of an effort. 1 hour 20 minutes before my shift, my leave got approved. I love my company.

It was one heck of a night, eventhough 2 people who were supposed to go with us wasn't able to make it because, as they say, they "fell asleep" on one another. (*with raised eyebrows) "huh? oook."

We went to I.O. along Jupiter Street in Makati. They have above standard rooms, a maze-like interior and very good sound systems, but for me, nothing can top Red Box in Greenbelt -aesthetic-wise, food-wise, system-wise and service-wise. Somehow I.O. didn't live up to the hype that most people put up for it. Oh, and have I mentioned, its way too overpriced?

We spent a huge chunk of the night there. If not for the confrontation with one of the waiters who was very rude, the night would have been perfect. Well that mishap turned out into something really good, because I asked for his manager to lodge a complaint. When the Manager (who's name appears at the title) stepped into the room, my jaw almost fell to the floor. I immediately had this huge crush on him. He is too darned hot. It almost made keeping a serious face a tough act because I was repressing a smile from escaping my lips.

He was very cordial, and he explained it as best as he can. As the confrontation was about to wrap up and this little primadonna is already appeased, he made a gesture of goodwill. He offered me a 30% discount card, which was supposedly valid only for Wednesdays and Thursdays, but he said for me, he'd make it valid through the weekends (I could just drop his name, flash the card and voila! Instant discount). Aww..would have been cute, if it just didn't appear like he's "buying" our trust back. I'm still gonna use the card though. Who wants to come?